One of the hardest parts of being gay when i was growing up was attempting to find other gays to fuck. In high school I knew I was craving something more sexually that females couldn't provide but at that time I still felt abnormal and that I was probably the product of the devil. Which now being older and comfortable i realze how normal it is to feel different. You would think that since I went to the school of faggots aka LaGuardia the queen of art schools it wouldn't be that hard to find other gay awkward twinks looking to bust a nut. Sadly to say it was diffcult especially cause at that time nobody was willing to accept that the urge to give every hot guy that passes by a blowjob wasn't just a "phase".
With that said I've been using gay apps since I was probably 14. It was the only way I could find like minded gays that were at least open minded enough to invite me over and allow me to explore these aggravating feelings. Now this did cause me to live a whole double life at a very young age but thats a different story for a different day. Now wait fuck i forgot where i was going with this?! DATING APPS! Okay to make a long story short I feel like a might have an addiction to them. I have this crazy attachment to the constant need of sexual conversation. Being a man I am horny most of the time but im not always trying to fuck, i kind of just enjoy talking about it.The issue is that i miss the classy traditional way of love or better yet lust that i feel is easier to get in a heterosexual relationship. The idea of courting is something i remeber my parents always talking about that I feel lacks so much in gay culture. We are so much straight forward and aggressive with our wants. Whenever i'm talking to a guy it feels as if we're both itching to ask the infamous question, "travel or host?"
My other problem is that i secretly like the fast pace interaction with men, but i know it comes from a negative and weak place. Its not wanting to get your emotions too involved to avoid being hurt or used, (it also might be my slight daddy issues lol). I don't attach any emotions to sex. Anyone who I've actually dated seriously I've never had sex with. Once my emotions get any involvement my body literally won't allow me to do it cause my brain is like, "no girl if you fuck them, IT'S OVER". lately, I have been craving that hot steamy sexual encounter that is full of emotion. I've started to feel so unattached after sex that I fear that when the time comes and i do fall in love I wont be able to make love. I never made love before...